Feeling Slightly Out There

Okay. This is not what I was going to blog about. It is now. That adorable little picture-one of my granddaughter's masterpieces- pretty much gives a visual of how I'm feeling. Yup- a little other-worldly would be accurate.

Maybe I 'm just feelin' this way 'cuz I just don't understand. But here is my little story.

I finally relented. I signed on to Facebook a couple of days ago. Ah , another maze to navigate. But I managed to get it enough to get myself out there----though I'm still uncomfortable about it and really want to run into a closet and hide. ( I know, I know. But that is fodder for another day ).

I checked my email earlier this afternoon to learn that an old school friend " found" me. On Facebook , that is. Very cool , I think. But I gotta tell ya, she has been on my mind for the past 2+ weeks----- she and her son , who used to be quite close to me. I haven't had a day in that length of time that I didn't find myself wondering about her or him ; how they're doing, what they're doing,etc. We haven't been in touch at all for a number of years, for who knows what reasons---just grew apart , I guess. And there she was, "finding" me on Facebook, as I was in some psychic/cosmic quest to learn about her. ( Do you suppose that it's true , that we find that which we seek ? "The teacher appears when the student is ready" kind of thing ? I'm thinking , yeah 'tis true , very true. )

Now I need to give you a little background before I continue my tale. Many years ago, probably some 34 years ago , I had a tickling little thought one afternoon. I thought that my friend ( at that time we were still close and in touch , though living probably 80 miles away from each other ) was going to go into the hospital in labor ( yes, she was pregnant and I knew that , nothing "witchy" in that ). But I also thought , that long-ago day , that she was going to be sent home. And indeed, she had been. I did not know those facts at that time. That had been over a week-end. The following Monday I was off to the big city, taking classes yet one more time. The day was perfectly ordinary, at least until classes were over. As I started walking back to the subway I began to feel disoriented, kind of in a fog. I suddenly couldn't wait to get home , but knew that it was going to take me at least an hour to get back to my car. The whole while I was traveling I kept feeling worse , not really in a physical way. It was definitely a psychic drain , or pull. At that time I couldn't tell really. And all the while I kept telling myself that as I got closer to home, everything would begin to feel more familiar and this disorientation would dissipate. It did not. It only got worse. From the end of the subway line , I needed to get a bus. Boarding my bus at the next stop, was an impeccably groomed gentlman. But he was odd. I remember today , almost as clearly as if it was that day , that this man's forehead came to a point . He was slightly bald and the point was all too prominent. And it was all too improbable , impossible , that anyone's head could be that pointed. I remember feeling angry , though he did nothing to provoke it. It seemed that his presence only served to make heighten my psychic discomfort. Finally I reached my vehicle and headed off to pick up my son at pre-school. It took a lot of effort to concentrate on that drive. We made it home safely , but rather than feel better , I continued to feel worse. I stalked through the house like a caged animal; I couldn't relax , nor sit still, couldn't prepare dinner. I was BESIDE myself , like some part of me wasn't there. Six o'clock chimed, the news was faintly in the background and the telephone rang. It was my friend's mother who called to tell me that my friend had just delivered a baby boy; that she'd gone into the hospital on the week-end and had been discharged with " false labor". As soon ,and I mean JUST AS SOON , as she told me the news, the restlessness , the disorientation , the caged feeling disappeared - simply went away. And that baby boy was the child who I grew so very found of, who came to visit me even when his mother did not. He was truly a special child who was so very close to my heart.

Now I've never been able to explain most of what I had experienced that day. I can tell you what I think and believe in my heart. I think that though my friend & I had grown up across the street together, graduated high school together, shared so very much more together , I was somehow attuned this child even before his birth ; that we were meant to enjoy some time together and share some deeper bond in this lifetime for however small amount of time. He's grown up ,as kids will. My life has taken me in a new direction , as has my friend's and her son's, and so our communication has stopped. Or maybe ,it hasn't.

Back to now. My friend just "friended me" on Facebook. In the brief greeting she sent to me , she told me that her son JUST had a son born to him. I have for the past two ( maybe a bit longer ) weeks not been able to get them out of my mind. I mentally was searching for some knowledge of them. I now know that he has just received a son into his life. As I had experienced many years ago when he was born, did I "know" or at least want to know that something incredible was to repeat itself ? I'm inclined to think so. Why? I can not answer. Nor can I yet explain the "gentleman" on the bus those many years ago. He was a very prominent feature of that strange afternoon. But explain it , I can not. Nor can I explain the state of mind fog that long afternoon 34 years ago. But for me it all suggests that we DO know more than what is on the surface. There is some law of the universe, I call it Magic, that enriches our lives even when it confounds us.

Addendum : After being "found" by my friend and taken a few moments to think about the " coincidence" of this situation I quickly reviewed her page a wee bit. A few of her "friends" were listed , so out of nosiness more than anything, I read through some of the list. You just try to guess who I might have found. Never mind, I 'll tell ya. My ex-husband , that's who. Man , that was like being hit first on one side of my head, then the other. Any wonder why I'm feeling tonight like the picture above?

May you all be blessed with a little Magic, Cyth